The Sweet Smell of Excess
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You know it's going to be a bad day when you sit down with a cup of coffee, peel open the New York Times, and have the first words your brain processes be "WHAT does Alan Cumming smell like?"
Ummm....a delicate, complex mixture of Haggis, poppers and poop?
Nope!
A manly, tasty blend of black pepper and bergamot with just a hint of Scotch pine, whiskey and - could it be? - rubber. This is the bottled Alan Cumming, one of the latest and most improbable scents to hit the booming celebrity fragrance market, joining Britney Spears's Curious and Jennifer Lopez's Glow, Miami Glow and, soon, Live.
Turns out what probably started as a drunken bet at the Abbey to see if he could get a product called "Cumming in a Bottle" on store shelves has now turned into something quite real: Sephora will be carrying the entire "Cumming In..." line, including "Cumming in a Bar" hand soaps and "Cumming In My Assistant's Mouth", an apres-shave facial tonic (okay, just kidding on the last one).
"It's almost like a pop cultural joke," he tells the Times, I think referring to the fragrance line and not his career, "But the bottom line is I really like it!"
Don't get quite so cozy yet, Cumming. The 'just-a-dab-of-starfucking-behind-the-ears-set' are a fickle bunch:
...with most celebrity fragrances pitched toward consumers 16 to 28 years old, and with the window of fame now more like a portal than a bay, there is an inevitable moment when demand begins to cool. One way that companies like Coty have addressed this problem is to bring out spinoff products, like Miami Glow, a heavy coconut-and-orange-blossom scent that quickly followed Glow. In the spring Elizabeth Arden offered Britney Spears fans a two-in-one product with a lipstick at one end and roller-ball scent at the other.
Okay, Alan, listen up: I'm thinking a Swiss Army-type contraption, combining atomizer, silicone lube squeeze dispenser, coke spoon, emergency Manic Panic supply, and a tiny little flip up roach clip (awww - cute!).
"a delicate, complex mixture of Haggis, poppers and poop?" I just about lost my afternoon snack after reading that.
Posted by: Bryan | June 30, 2005 02:43 PM