Celebrities Pitch In and Show They...I Can't Do This
USA Today offers the definitive reportage of celebrity response to Hurricane Katrina, an exhaustive chonicling of the glittery altruism that ouch I think I have an underground zit forming on my forehead. Hey you know what I could really go for right now? One of those brownies with the cheesecake on top. I wonder what that hot dude with the yellow board shorts from my gym is up to right now. He's hot.
I'm sorry what were we talking about again? Oh right. In those moments of crisis when famous people pitch in, using their notoriety to heighten awareness, while simultaneously yeah... he's really hot but I don't think he notices me which could very well be his way of noticing me!
Oh fuck a duck. Let's just grin and bear this together shall we? It'll be over quickly enough.
To those who question Hollywood's motives, [Sean] Penn says, "I'm a 45-year-old man with two kids, and I've had plenty of attention in my life. I don't need to dive into toxic waste for that." [INSERT JOKE ABOUT DADDY'S FAVORITE WEEKEND BACKYARD GAME: MESSIANIC PHOTO-OP COMPLEX]
Monday, Gloria Estefan, Andy Garcia and Jimmy Smits hit the Gulf area to take toys to kids who lost their belongings. "Toys are not a need people typically think of, but they've got all these kids who have absolutely nothing to do," says Estefan, who had corporate donations and also paid for playthings through her Gloria Estefan Foundation. [INSERT JOKE ABOUT PAUL RODRIGUEZ BEGGING TO COME ALONG DRESSED AS SANTINO CLAUS BUT HIS CAREER NOT HAVING ENOUGH 'LATIN HEAT' TO BE INCLUDED.]
Filmmaker Kevin Smith is auctioning off dinner at his house and a role in his next film. [INSERT JOKE ABOUT JAY AND SILENT AUCTION STRIKING BACK.]
Model Naomi Campbell, who had already planned to donate her runway fees, is teaming up with Linda Evangelista and Iman to close out Fashion Week in New York with a star-studded fundraiser Friday night [INSERT JOKE ABOUT SELLING ONE (1) ASSISTANT-BEATING TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER.]
See? Was that so bad?! I told you we'd make it through! And all joking aside, I think just reading about all this celebrity charity work really just makes you pause and take stock of yeah I'm definitely getting an underground zit.
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