Olsen Twins Play God; God Needs Sandwich

In what is sure to become a classic case study in medical ethics textbooks for years to come, genetic-mutations/tween-heroes the Olsen Twins have birthed a male bi-pod through clonic manipulation and good old fashioned showbiz know-how:

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen want to make Cole and Dylan Sprouse the male versions of their teenage girl merchandising empire, The Wall Street Journal reported.

"My sister and I started the whole 'tween empire," Ashley Olsen was quoted as saying. "I definitely see the potential for the boys to do that sort of thing."

With the brand name of D.C. Sprouse, Cole and Dylan will be the face of a boys division that will include DVD movies, CDs and other merchandise for the Olsens' Dualstar Entertainment Group, the newspaper reported Monday.

"They love to Rollerblade, they like to surf, skate and are into videogames. … They love animals," said the Sprouses' manager, Josh Werkman. "They're boy boys in every sense of the term."

It would appear the programming inputs at the base of their skulls have downloaded the necessary marketing components successfully; now all that's left is for the boy-unit to be detached from its anal-feeding tube, re-coated in antibacterial skin-substance and set in front of digital cameras for their first full-length DVD adventure, D.C. Sprouse's Skidazzler Weekend!