A Message From Feh

Hello, my adorable shmendricks! Every one!

Enough with the taunting e-mails. For the last time, NO I do not have writer's block/constipation/ menopause/ etc. Nor has my mind become 'a once fertile, now dessicated womb filled with twigs and worm-eaten crabapples.' My mind, and for that matter Nicole Kidman's biological clock, are both deeply offended.

The fact is that I have been on holiday, visiting friends and family in Montreal (a city that, as they French say, is 'da shit.' Seriously! Check it out.). Furthermore, I'm as prolific and creative as ever! Just because I'm not weighing in on the the latest Lohan Paparraccident or waxing horrific at the thought of a platoon of Tom Cruise-headed tadpoles flying out of a turkey baster to storm Katie Holmes' Guadalcanal does not mean I've 'lost my touch' or had a 'spontaneous lobotomy' or I 'applied to law school' or any other such doom n' gloomy scenario.

That said, God I've missed you. I really have.  Katie Holmes is pregnant with Tom Cruise's baby? Jesus Christ. Literally! I'm seeing modified manger scenes, maybe some active volcanoes in the background (note to self: baking soda and red food coloring!). Sunday school teachers chuckling knowingly and saying: "Now, now children. You can't ALL be Emperor Xenu in the holiday pageant." Heartwarming stuff. Really.